The Yule Ball Dilemma
by Kagedtiger
Summary: Quick Sirius x Remus slash pastfic. Created for the purpose of a fic challenge to others [see inside for more details].


The Yule Ball Dilemma 

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**Notes/Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, who has made plenty of money off of it, so she might as well let us have our fun. No disrespect is meant and no profit is being made. **

**I fully realize that this piece sucks. It exists for one purpose and one purpose only, and that purpose is the following line: **

"**Come on," said Sirius, "Remus is practically a girl anyway. I mean, he's shy and quiet, he likes men, and once a month he turns into a psychotic beast. All he's missing are the breasts." **

**I am offering this up as a challenge. I hereby challenge all other writers to use that line (Sirius need not be the speaker) in a fic of their own! Please e-mail me if you decide to take the challenge. I'd love to read your fic! **  
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"Sirius, why are you sulking?" asked James, hopping up to sit on the Gryffindor common room table next to Sirius's book.

"I'm not sulking," Sirius said petulantly from the bench.

"Are too," said James. "You're reading. That means that you're depressed. If you weren't depressed, you'd be off snogging Remus."

"I read!" Sirius protested. "It's an adventure book!"

"Uh-huh," said James, unconvinced. "Right. So where's Moony and why aren't you snogging him?"

Sirius huffed a sigh and closed the book. "Remus is mad at me because I asked him to go to the Yule Ball."

There was a pause. Flames crackled away in the fireplace. "Sirius," said James, "You know two men aren't allowed to go to the Yule Ball together. The couples have to be a boy and a girl."

"Come on," said Sirius, "Remus is practically a girl anyway. I mean, he's shy and quiet, he likes men, and once a month he turns into a psychotic beast. All he's missing are the breasts."

"Unfortunately," said James, "that's all that anyone really cares about in this case." He paused. "You didn't tell Remus that bit, did you, about him practically being a girl?"

Sirius shook his head. "Of course not! I'm not that stupid!"

"Oh, I beg to differ," came a voice from the staircase. Sirius and James turned their heads to see Remus glaring balefully. Sirius immediately shrank, and James got the impression that if he had been a dog at that moment, his tail would be between his legs.

"H'llo Remus," he said quietly.

Remus sighed. "Sirius, can I talk to you upstairs for a second?"

Sirius nodded and stood, turning back to the table to pick up his book. While his back was to Remus he mouthed, 'Wish me luck,' at James. James gave him a discreet thumbs up. Sirius grabbed the book and followed Remus up the stairs.

They reached the empty boy's dormitory and sat together on Remus's bed. Remus rubbed his hands together before he started speaking, which Sirius knew meant he was nervous about what he was going to say.

"I'm sorry," Remus started. "I shouldn't have blown up at you about the dance. But you have to understand that it bothers me that we have to always stay hidden like this, that we can't… can't do things, like a normal couple. So when you reminded me about the Yule Ball, and how we can't go…"

"Who says we can't?" said Sirius.

Remus frowned at him. "Even if you _were_ willing to let everyone in school know about us, which I know you're not, they wouldn't let us. Only male-female couples are allowed to go to the ball and if you DARE say I'm like a girl again, the male-female requirement will no longer be a problem because I will have removed your testicles, got it?"

Sirius ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Sorry about the girl comment. But- but that's not important! What is important is that we _can_ go to the ball. It'll be easy! We just have to take James's cloak."

"James's…" Remus's eyes widened. "You mean his new invisibility cloak? Could we do that?"

"I'm sure he'd lend it to us," said Sirius. "We're his best friends. He'd have to! And if we stay real close together, keeping under it wouldn't be a problem." He grinned lecherously and put an arm around Remus's waist. "And we won't have a problem keeping close, will we?"

Remus stood, brushing off Sirius's hand, and said, "I'll think about it."

Sirius blinked. "What?"

"I said I'll think about it," Remus repeated. "I haven't agreed to be your date yet."

Sirius pouted. "But you're my beau. My main squeeze. My special guy. You have to."

Remus turned back to him with a strange look. "Who even talks like that anymore?"

"I'll wrestle you for it!" Sirius declared abruptly, and rocketed off the bed, pouncing on Remus before the boy could say any more than "Wh-"

They rolled around on the floor breathlessly for a while, Sirius laughing from the start and Remus soon joining just because Sirius's laugh was so infectious. Finally Remus got Sirius into a pin, straddling his waist with his knees and holding Sirius's arms above his head. "Got you," he said triumphantly.

Sirius let out a mock sigh. "I guess we have no choice but to go to the ball together then," he said.

Remus blinked. "What?"

"Well," said Sirius, "the bet was that if I won, you'd have to go to the ball with me. And if you won, you'd get to go to the ball with me. So see, you've won the prize. I'm your date."

For a split second he worried that he might have pushed a little too far, but then Remus let out an explosive exasperated sigh and leaned down to kiss him. "You are such a ponce."

"Ah yes, but I'm a ponce with a date to the Yule Ball now, aren't I?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius could see that he was trying not to smile. "Yes, I suppose you are."

- THE END -

Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or  
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author.


End file.
